Nothing trumps zombies. Unless they come in fun striped colors.

So first there were the vintage arrows:


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I do kinda like them although any way I would think to display them makes me look like a douche so I'll just admire the pictures.

That didn't stop the crafty DIYers though:

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I bet you a 5 lb bag of Sour Patch Kids somebody on etsy has a listing for painted striped rocks or spools of thread or something and they're selling them for $25.   

And then industrial designers found a sale at Ace Hardware...





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The designer of these $350 axes deserves to be punched in the throat but, sadly, I do kinda want one...  you know, for all my chopping fabulosity.  But I hate myself for it.

I barely step foot in the sunshine but on the rare occasions when I'm outside doing yardwork I've actually broken three shovels.   As in the thick wooden handles actually snapped in half under the tremendous power of my meaty arms.  I was just doing normal things like digging holes and shit and not playing the "see how long I could beat the shovel against my driveway before it breaks" game.   If I bought an axe like this and in an emergency situation such as the zombie apocalypse and I was trying to chop the head off of the dozens of zombies that were coming to eat my brains and the axe broke I think I'd be rather perterbed.  I might have to write a saucy letter to the manufacturer and mail them the broken shards packed with my own entrails because OMIGOD MOTHERFUCKIN ZOMBIES JUST ATE MY BRAINS BECAUSE I SHOP IN THE RAINBOW BRITE TOOL DEPARTMENT!!!!!!


I could always just paint some sticks...



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But arrows and sticks and dumb tools are all trumped by these:



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BLADOW!  It's a crafty trend painted on a hipster trend.  You can't even trump bones.  I dare you.  I think Teenangster just jizzed her pants.