Wednesday, September 25, 2013

A 'farewell to summer' tour coming to a dirty creek near you.

I think I'm having a Peter Pan moment regarding summer because I'm not ready to grow up and have it be Fall.  Fuck your pumpkin spice everything (until next month).  It's just now gotten bearable outside even though I'm still considered a personal Ryan's Buffet for all mosquitoes that reside below the Mason Dixon Line.  

Maybe that's why I've got sparkle eyes for these rafts like I'm a hongray skeeter looking at the business end of a Ryan's Buffet of Lacy.  (Pro tip: if you're not a mosquito they're all pleasure ends. I don't know what that means but it sounds kinda sensuous right?!)

I also want to go to the ocean because I bet they don't have mosquitoes there and these rafts look like something Peter Pan would create if Peter Pan was a hippie hoarder.  

They're all created by street artist Swoon (a laaady street artist) and created using found object and tour the rivers of our great, littered country gawd bless Americuh.

As we know, I have a weakness for "found" structures and long time reader(s) might remember my trip to the tallest tree house in the world here and here or if you've read my blog for more than a day.

Been there, did not do that.
He built it because Jesus told him to.  I think Swoon has different, less creepy motives but I appreciate both varieties of architecture equally.

Things like this make my hoarding tendencies seem "artful" and not "symptomatic of larger undiagnosed issues."

Obviously, I like swings on slightly dangerous structures.

Other than 'when are we going to take a Beasts of the Southern Wild-inspired, Peter Pan pirate cruise in a river shack made of floating garbage?' I think the real question here is what would your street artist name be??

There should be some kind of Cosmo Mad Lib quiz about it.  Like, randomly pick an adverb followed by the name of the first person you kissed.

Mine would be Lithely Eric.  (at least that's what I think his name was...  I remember it was during Interview With A Vampire but I think that was the last time I saw him since he rolled my house the next day...?  He wore a very large gold chain so but did have a soft top Jeep so I had conflicted feelings about this outcome being that I couldn't drive yet.)

Or use the Swoon formula and just pick a verb that doesn't have such terrible, self-esteem-damaging connotations in which case I think my street artist name would be Punt.

Yeah, Punt.

So if you're ever hanging out in Burning Man-meets-the Mighty Mississippi and see someone wearing overalls and a feather headdress named Punt it's probably me.  Please help me reapply sunscreen.

all pics via Supersonic Electronic and Wired
Now I don't know whether I need to raid a junkyard or go cry about Hushpuppy and Beasts of the Southern Wild AGAIN.  It took me about three months to control the sobbing the first time I saw it.

Ok new street artist name: Hushpunty.

Punty Pan.

Peter Punt.

I can't stop...

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Things that are making me exceedingly happy but mostly 2 Chainz and Twitter.

Good things are happening around the MS Ranch this week.  Let's review:

-  a big project at work is successfully finished so I've stopped anxiety-scratching my arms til they bleed at night.  Ahhh sweet relief.

-  the excruciating and immobilizing pain I felt all weekend due to my tailbone somehow (looks at Charlemagne) getting popped out of place is now gone thanks to my chiropractor's magic hands of tough love. I can walk again and it is glorious.

-  I ran out of real pasta so I had to crumble lasagna noodles into bite size pieces to make dinner and it actually turned out not gross.

- I saw a cute elephant cuddle.  On the internet.

So...  basically my life has been upgraded from really terrible to just mildly sad and pathetic now.


Let me share with you some other things that are making me happy lately.  It's the little things, y'all.  Don't ruin this for me.

Solitary mason bees (Illuminati bees?!) make larvae nests from flower petals that are so pretty I kinda of want to cry.  We also need to have a discussion about bees soon.  I'm turning into one of those people.

In related color coolness (it's a real thing), I've been looking at these gifs nonstop since July and can't stop.

via This Is Colassal
These are macro shots of oil, ink and soap from Russian designer Ruslan Khasanov.  You should light some candles and grab a towel and watch the full video.

It's like pure sex.  Throw in some naked people and this is what my dreams look like.

This is what some of my other dreams look like:

Erwin Wurm via But Does It Float
Make of that what you will but it still makes me incredibly happy.

In more celebrity-centric happy Lacy news, 2 Chainz - rapper, big booty lover and 'diffrent' bon vivant - has released a cookbook called #Meal Time on iTunes if you buy the deluxe version of his latest album.  

It looks like The Colbert Report was in charge of graphics.

I haven't bought a full rap album since Dutty Rock because 27 of the 32 tracks on that album were gawddamned skits and I'd had enough.  

But for this?!
via Grubstreet
I might make an exception just for the chainz in the background.  Food bloggers, this is how you do shit up right.

vis Jezebel
You need to enlarge this recipe immediately.

2 Chainz also has other helpful tips like "Put on your Versace apron." and "Call Fergie, invite her to watch a movie on Netflix.  Once she accepts, start making green beans."  I'm not making this up.  Read more here.

In other celebrity news, I think I might be one now because of Twitter.  I recently sent this 140 character gem out into the cloud:

Obviously, comedy gold.  I think I then bantered a bit with @turnageb and @mommyboots about some weird shit (I'm not humiliating them on purpose - just to let you know it takes a village) which resulted in this:

Look, it made sense at the time.  If you're not on Twitter you wouldn't understand.

A very nice person @toddcaton then alerted a Twitter artist @lambchops1  to such fuckery and asked him to draw it because this is a thing that happens on the twitters.

And he did.

You guys.  This is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me and could only be surpassed one day if an actual tiny David Bowie goblin got freaky with my belly bloat.

My favorite part is the accuracy of the face.  Little did I know when I snapped that awkward selfie for my avatar that it would be end up being such a universally applicable expression.

I'm going to keep riding that cartoon-inspired high through the weekend because my birthday is Saturday! I turn 33 which feels like a really good year and a really good number to be.  

Maybe I'll make some recipes from 2 Chainz's (2 Chainz'?) cookbook in hopes of eating enough to summon a goblin to reenact the sketch above.  

Without the feds watching.

Monday, September 9, 2013

Are you my mom, Imperial Tortoise?

As a person that draws pattern all day every day I have a love/hate relationship with graphic prints and textiles and greeting cards and everything in the world that's covered in pattern which is now everything.  Kleenex boxes, the actual facial tissue itself, toothbrushes, kitchen knives, lampshades, strollers, airplanes, whatever, just put a pattern on it and charge more.

Patterns are like family.  I love them enough to be intimately involved with them from inception to completion but after work I don't want to hear, talk, look, smell, fondle or even sense an organized collection of lines anywhere within 50 feet of me.  Like, I love you but don't call me after 5 or on the weekends.  Ever.
Actually, I spend significantly more time with patterns than my family so analyze that.  I also try to avoid putting something I designed in my own house. If feels very incestuous...

But sometimes I'm overwhelmed with familial guilt pulled by the siren song of fresh graphics courtesy of ye olde internet and can't resist a picture dump.

Urban Caligraphy
These are probably the opposite of David Hicks/ "Imperial Trellis" which is perfectly fine by me.  Imperial Trellis is the cage where my soul would be trapped inside in hell.


But I like an Imperial Turtle.  Or Tortoise?!  I'm dumb, I don't know. 

I tend to be drawn to patterns that look like they've been around for a few thousand years (even if they went through a hipster filter before the tattoo approval process).  It let's me off the hook for trying to reinvent the wheel or something.


Or I like patterns that look infinite and not like designed at all.   It's visual zen for my overworked eyes and placates my Virgo attention-to-detail.

Guido Macofico
Of course, Mother Nature does some pretty badass designing but she's a pro so I'll let her heavy-handedness pass on occasion.  Aren't triangles and diamonds a little over trend right now anyway, hhmm?  Try reading Refinery29 once in a while, Mother Nature.


Robert Cartwright

I also prefer patterns that I could not or would not design.  Not that I'm a super great designer of amazing awesomeness by any means, but everybody has their wheelhouse of tricks.  My tricks include the design equivalent of drunk herky so I guess that leaves me pretty open to y'alls shit.

And open to skulls and smart backlighting.

somewhere here
And open to a cartoon bag and gold pants.  When Target knocks them all off, of course.

I could certainly deal with seeing this type of pattern every day.  I might be inclined to trade some relatives for it.  It could be my new family.

Love me?

(high five if you got the Boogie Nights reference in the title)

Monday, September 2, 2013

Where food porn comes to life but not in a gross way.

So I did this thing last weekend that you are totally gonna want to do because it's a good thing.  An easy thing.  A fun thing.  A thing that's slightly embarrassing but also really cool and it's like a bridging your internet life with your real life and that's always good right?  Unless we're talking about your sexcam business and I think we all agree that should never be brought into real life. Ew.

After talking with some friends, we came up with the idea of doing a Pinterest dinner party!  We really need to work on the branding here because it sounds fucking lame as shit but it wasn't.  

Everyone has their personal recipe boards that are always full of delightful food porn but 90% you'll never make because pinning is almost LIKE cooking it except not at all.  Well, if you throw a potluck then people magically get excited to try those things.  

It's like how I decide to host a dinner party to magically force myself to clean my house.  It's the only way I'll ever have all rooms of my house reasonably clean at one time.  They usually revolve in various stages of clean to dirty but each on their own schedule.

But I was able to make the living room presentable, threw a tablecloth on the coffee table and some Cosco flowers in some vases and we got this party on and poppin. 

In my floor.
Welcome to the ModSauce Ranch living room.
I'm a great host.  Hope you didn't have back problems, friends, because we're bohemian chic now whether you like it or not.

Anyway, the menu included some stuffed peppers and banana pudding that were delicious but not from Pinterest therefore I'm pretending they don't exist. because it's fucking with my theme.  Other items included salt and vinegar kale mashed potatoes and spicy Thai noodles and they were delightful.  We gave a big middle finger to a cohesive menu.

I made bacon jam from here because BACON JAM and how could you not want to spread pork on things?  
from my Instagram
I threw it on some Havarti and crackers and it was pretty damn good.  It needed something to detract that it was a meat paste and someone suggested a thin slice of apple or pear and I think my brain exploded with the idea.  I also put it on a burger later and it was ridonk.

I also made a black bean and quinoa salad from Oh She Glows that was good but not blowing me away.

pic from Oh She Glows

It needed more dressing so I just kept throwing on anything wet I could find the rest of the week.  My Costco sells quinoa by the barrel so I'm making quinoa every damn week now.  I'm the youngest person in Costco by far but my lust for quinoa is of meme proportions and I'm fine with that.  

I'll be the posterchild for middle class white people with my Costco card and barrel of quinoa while people make fun of me on Reddit and I won't care because I got my perfect protein at bargain prices and it's fucking delicious.

I also made some Thai turkey meatballs in a green curry from here that was pretty bangin.

pic from Minnesota Monthly
Would actually be good over noodles like a Thai spaghetti and meatballs but we just ate them naked.  Look, I can't do everything around here.  It took a long ass time to spread that thrift store tablecloth on my coffee table.

All in all I thought it was a really fun time and it made me/us actually turn Pinterfantasy to reality and with delicious results.  

The best part is that that I'm still eating bacon jam at least twice a day and have a shit ton more Thai meatballs in the freezer waiting for a nice evening when I need them.  

Thanks, Pinterest!  I've given you three years and you've given me bacon paste and meatballs!  I think it's a fair exchange.